Sexist Toilet ‘Art’ or How You SHOULDN’T Handle a Conflict

In Sweden, we have unisex toilets with locks that can be opened from the outside with a coin. I therefore spent ten years in school terrified that someone would break into the loo. So it does not make sense why a Swedish school thought this painting outside one of their toilets was a good idea:

Besides reminding students of the dangers of poor locks and toilet-related harassment, the painting was offensive. 14-year old student Astrid pointed this out to the school several times, but was ignored. One day when she was home sick, the school did a survey about the wall painting. When Astrid returned, the results were published next to the wall painting, including lovely quotes such as ‘How is it mentally possible [to be offended]?’. They also added a sign next to the wall painting saying ‘the most famous painting in the school’.

Have you ever encountered similar tactics when voicing a concern at work? Then you have been the target of a competing conflict style. It can be found in situations where there is a power imbalance or someone is used to having interpretation prerogative, and is therefore common in organisations. It’s then used to quickly resolve the issue (Buchanan and Huczynski 2010: 807). Everyday sexism has several work-related examples:

Competing conflict styles can also involve using authority or power to discredit the opponent’s (Fisher and Ury 1991: 6). The school used the survey to ridicule Astrid, told her that she misinterpreted the painting (it’s FUNNY) and overreacted (GOD CAN’T YOU TAKE A JOKE?). It can also be subtle: by giving the impression that the person is not listening or questioning authority or experience.

A competing conflict style is problematic because it does not deal with the problem, but the reactions to it which legitimises the problem. Astrid was made out to be the villain instead of the wall painting. The person on the receiving end feels run over, and often leaves the conflict feeling worse than before (Robbins and Judge 2010: 406). Astrid is probably not happy about her school now which will affect their future relationship.

Also, power does not always equal influence, and if you want to influence your co-workers you should probably go for another strategy. The offended person often grows resentful, which can result in a backlash effect (Oade 2010: 28). Astrid’s story had a ‘nice’ twist, as far as these stories have one: she received support from social media. This shows how unpredictable power relations are when you use forcing conflict styles; you might end up forcing the other side into submission, or you may end up on the receiving end of the power tactics.

For bibliography and further reading, click here.

What experiences do you have with forcing conflict styles? How do you respond to them?

Feminist Frequency’s Trope vs Women in Video Games

The first video in the Feminist Frequency’s Trope vs Women in Video Games series is finally here!

The ‘Pretty’ Trap and How to Avoid it

I have two young teenage sisters. It is amazing to watch them grow up and become strong and clever individuals. It also makes me feel old and I can’t believe it was nine years since I was thirteen (and angry at everything!). I’m noticing more and more how they are becoming aware of the expectations on them, especially the ones relating to gender norms, which can be negative and limiting in many cases.

The other day, I was preparing a presentation on the gender gap in science subjects and primary schools. I had a good brainstorming session with a really clever woman on everyday things we can do to encourage our sisters and brothers to become individuals with their own interests, strengths and qualities. We came up with so many different ideas, but I think these three are very simple and a good start:

Avoid gender-biased language

I have noticed that adults often used gender-biased language when talking to children. For instance, highly technical terms with boys, and emotional expressions around girls. This can lead to girls finding it difficult to take an interest in science subjects for instance, because they haven’t got words to express themselves properly. I know how to replace most parts of a computer, but I wouldn’t be able to explain how to do it because no one has ever used computer terms with me. Boys can find it more difficult to express emotions or feelings, because they haven’t been encouraged to do so.

Avoid the ‘pretty’ trap

The Swedish blogger Lady Dahmer has been writing a lot about the ‘pretty trap’ recently. Basically, we constantly reward girls for being ‘pretty’ and ‘adorable´. This can lead to a higher self-consciousness and self-esteem based on external affirmation/compliments. Obviously, one comment alone won’t cause this. But when we are constantly judged or valued for our appearance, from a very young age, it will affect how we view and value ourselves. Compliment your sister or brother for other things instead, such as being nice to others, helpful or standing up for something.

More rolemodels!

A problem with many fictional characters in movies, TV-series and books is that they often are one-dimensional and stereotyped. Introduce your sister or brother to more diverse role models and characters so they have more attributes and interests to choose from. Some good examples are Hayao Miyazaki’s movies (Spirited Away, My Neighbour Totoro), Astrid Lindgren movies (Ronia the Robber’s Daughter, Pippi Longstocking, the Brothers Lionheart), Mulan and Brave to name a few.