Negotiating in a Successful Performance Appraisal

Performance appraisals are ideal for asking for a pay rise, training or promotion. You are discussing your development and future within the organisation, so what are you waiting for? However, it is not always as easy as just asking for it, and you will probably have to negotiate.

First, you need to prepare and plan. Define your aspirational range and your BATNA: the best and worst outcomes you can accept, as well as your employer’s. Also, prepare evidence that justifies your initial position (Robbins and Judge 2010: 413). I tried to find a work-related video for the next steps, but found another clip that emphasises process and the benefits of integrative bargaining:

The next step in the video is defining the ground rules – what is negotiated and what are both sides’ ideal outcomes? You then need to justify your first demand. Don’t stray away from the subject – remain focused. Ideally, you have already prepared evidence that supports your arguments (Fowler 1996: 33).

The negotiation stalls in the video because the initial demands are outside the settlement range, where both sides’ aspiration ranges overlap. Both sides realise that the only possible outcome is living side-by-side. They then switch from distributive to integrative bargaining and search for possibilities where both can win.

Distributive bargaining is ‘great’ if you will never see the person again. But this is your employer and therefore not the case. Instead, focus on finding a solution both are content with once you have stated your initial positions. Make concessions that are within your aspiration range. View these as searching for new possibilities –what can you give your employer in return (Fisher and Ury 1991: 12)? It’s not only about your salary or position, but about your future relationships.

In the video, the groups achieve a win-win settlement. By focusing on an integrative bargaining strategy, you are likely to achieve an outcome that is within your aspirational range. And you won’t ‘win’ at the expense of your professional relationships.

For bibliography and further reading, click here.

What are your secrets to a successful performance appraisal?

Empathy in Negotiation: The Case with the Maybe-Objectified Orcs

I am currently finishing my dissertation on gender and games, and my boyfriend proofread my draft last night. Somehow, we got into an argument about whether two orcs were objectified. I meant the female orc was objectified, whilst my boyfriend viewed the male orc as objectified. It ended after an image-search of more orcs, and me going ‘OBJECTIFIED. NOT OBJECTIFIED. Don’t you see it?’.
In my previous post, Lauren mentioned the frustration when someone is not listening. Ironically, I realise that I do this myself sometimes. As I will hopefully start working soon, I am convinced that I won’t be able to end work-place disagreements with Google-searches and rants. Or that I should even focus on ‘winning’ each disagreement.

Think of an argument where you felt frustrated. Was it the other person’s view that upset you, or because you felt unheard? Did you acknowledge their views?

Lack of empathy causes many conflicts, which arise when we perceive that someone does not care about our views or interests (Buchanan and Huczynski 2010: 791). The mind-set of ‘winning’ the disagreement therefore escalates into a conflict, because it is difficult to move forward when you end up talking beside each other, and the communication is one-way.

Active listening is a way to integrate empathy and open up to others’ views. It builds on interpreting and reflecting upon what is being said, as well as rapport with the other person by paying attention, paraphrasing and feeding back the message. Ultimately, it is about interpreting and exploring the information you receive before responding (Fisher and Shapiro 2007: 27).

We are often taught to listen for information, not to understand how others feel. It is difficult to accept other perspectives when we are convinced ours is right. We then tend to judge what others say through an emotional filter, based on if it is in line with, or against our interests. We also think up counter-arguments whilst others are speaking, like I did last night (Nichols and Stevens 1999: 3, 7). This means we risk missing the actual message, and people feel unheard or unacknowledged like my boyfriend probably did.

Listening is the first step towards solving conflicts and avoiding orc-related grudges. This does not mean that you agree with the other person, but negotiation won’t take place until you both understand each other.

For bibliography and further reading, click here.

How can we negotiate more effectively using empathy? What are important listening skills?

Sexist Toilet ‘Art’ or How You SHOULDN’T Handle a Conflict

In Sweden, we have unisex toilets with locks that can be opened from the outside with a coin. I therefore spent ten years in school terrified that someone would break into the loo. So it does not make sense why a Swedish school thought this painting outside one of their toilets was a good idea:

Besides reminding students of the dangers of poor locks and toilet-related harassment, the painting was offensive. 14-year old student Astrid pointed this out to the school several times, but was ignored. One day when she was home sick, the school did a survey about the wall painting. When Astrid returned, the results were published next to the wall painting, including lovely quotes such as ‘How is it mentally possible [to be offended]?’. They also added a sign next to the wall painting saying ‘the most famous painting in the school’.

Have you ever encountered similar tactics when voicing a concern at work? Then you have been the target of a competing conflict style. It can be found in situations where there is a power imbalance or someone is used to having interpretation prerogative, and is therefore common in organisations. It’s then used to quickly resolve the issue (Buchanan and Huczynski 2010: 807). Everyday sexism has several work-related examples:

Competing conflict styles can also involve using authority or power to discredit the opponent’s (Fisher and Ury 1991: 6). The school used the survey to ridicule Astrid, told her that she misinterpreted the painting (it’s FUNNY) and overreacted (GOD CAN’T YOU TAKE A JOKE?). It can also be subtle: by giving the impression that the person is not listening or questioning authority or experience.

A competing conflict style is problematic because it does not deal with the problem, but the reactions to it which legitimises the problem. Astrid was made out to be the villain instead of the wall painting. The person on the receiving end feels run over, and often leaves the conflict feeling worse than before (Robbins and Judge 2010: 406). Astrid is probably not happy about her school now which will affect their future relationship.

Also, power does not always equal influence, and if you want to influence your co-workers you should probably go for another strategy. The offended person often grows resentful, which can result in a backlash effect (Oade 2010: 28). Astrid’s story had a ‘nice’ twist, as far as these stories have one: she received support from social media. This shows how unpredictable power relations are when you use forcing conflict styles; you might end up forcing the other side into submission, or you may end up on the receiving end of the power tactics.

For bibliography and further reading, click here.

What experiences do you have with forcing conflict styles? How do you respond to them?

Help support the #Notbuyingit App

#Notbuyingit has been around for quite a while on social media, where it’s used to point out sexist adverts and use social media to pressure companies into changing their products, adverts or policies.

Misrepresentation.org now wants to create a Not Buying It app, where people can both point out sexist and negative media and highlight positive media. It will also help people connect with each other, start campaigns, tell companies their opinions and have a map function.

I like the idea of ‘consumer power’ and social media as a tool to practice this. I often see adverts that make me go into angry T-Rex mode but don’t really know where to vent. Twitter and Instagram are great for this as well as building up strength in numbers, but I like the idea of an app that binds all of this together.

The app has as I’m writing this received around $1100 in funding, and it needs $9000 more. So if you have any money to spare and like the idea of practicing your consumer power, why not? Visit their website to learn more about the app or to donate.

International Women’s Day: My Grandma

I was going to write about why we still need feminism for the international women’s day, but I see that a lot of people have already done that in a brilliant way. So instead, I’m going to dedicate today to a woman who meant a lot to me and who did a lot for feminism fieldwork by making others aware of its importance. She was my grandma, Ingrid. It is difficult to write about her, as I don’t think anything I write can make her justice. I also find it difficult to describe her and my writing just seems stilted. I know that this isn’t highlighting any current women’s issues, but I couldn’t think of a better day to write about her, as she was the one who made me aware of gender issues and why it’s important to keep highlighting them.

Ingrid was born in 1927. She used to tell me stories about her childhood that seem so far away from the experiences I have from mine. How she once a month went to the grocery shop and carefully selected exactly four pieces of hard candy, because that was all she could afford. How she sometimes used resin as chewing gum during the war, because chewing gum was too expensive. Or how she saved money for two months to be able to afford a pair of tights. About her grandma who ran a shop and about her own work as a telephonist and in a fashion store in Stockholm.

Ingrid was assertive and stubborn, which I’ve inherited as well. We could have staring competitions for ages, and I swear that her eyes darkened when she got annoyed. She believed in standing up for others, and she once told two teenagers off for being rude to an elderly man. The next day, I saw the same teenagers help an older woman in the supermarket.

She was also the one who got me interested in feminism. She told me a lot about inequality and the second wave from when she was younger. How she was paid half the salary that the men at her office were, because she ‘didn’t have to support her family’. Uneven power relations at work. How  marketing revolved around the happy nuclear family and expectations on women as housewives. What women could do and couldn’t, and how they worked to change it.

What I admire the most with Ingrid is how much she loved and cared about people. At 86, my grandma still traveled from country to country to see her grandchildren. She raised a strong and clever daughter whom she admired so much. She always supported me as well and saved all my drawings (mainly of snail cars and horses). It took me a year to figure out that the monthly £30 transactions to my account was from her. She knew that I wouldn’t accept any money from her and cleverly disguised them as other things.

Life was tough and sometimes cruel for Ingrid. She grew up very poor. She lost her young son in a car accident and I can’t grasp how painful that must have been. And after almost sixty years together, she also lost her best friend and husband Gunnar. Even though she was heartbroken, she never stopped loving the people she lost and they never faded away. After fifteen years apart, I could still hear her talk to Gunnar when she was alone in a room. Mainly about everyday things, but also about how much she missed him.

When I was little, I could talk to her on the phone for hours. We went to Paris once, and spent four days pretending we were starring in a french musical. I was also lucky enough to get to spend almost a year living close to her and seeing her more frequently. We watched movies together, stayed up way too long because we had too much coffee, searched for the perfect sparkly nail polish (it’s Eternity by Lumene by the way) and discussed politics. Then, one day, she had a stroke. She never recovered, and it’s been two years now since she passed away. She was always the constant in my life, and I’m still not used to not talking to her every day. Even though my life is moving on, I remember all the things she was and try to be all these things myself which I believe make me a better person.

Feminist Frequency’s Trope vs Women in Video Games

The first video in the Feminist Frequency’s Trope vs Women in Video Games series is finally here!

The Sexy Lie and Erotic Capital

I watched this video about the ‘sexy lie’ a few day ago. It’s a great presentation by Caroline Heldman about the effects of objectification. I’ve recently also read a book about ‘erotic capital’ for a bit of light reading. JOKES. I’ve been looking for different views on sexuality/status for my dissertation.

I’m not a big fan of the idea of erotic capital. It’s mainly defined as appearance, but also as social skills to some degree. The media often portrays erotic capital as a tool of empowerment for women or a way to get ahead (Cosmo, I’m giving you the evil eye). I find this view problematic though, because isn’t this just another example of ‘the sexy lie’? Another way to illegitimise women in positions of power?

A few years ago, I was revising a presentation with a friend. Most of the feedback I got ended with ‘Oh, and don’t worry, you look OK’. It might seem innocent, but I think the constant focus on women’s appearance in professional situations can be quite damaging.

Firstly, it gives people another tool to scrutinise and criticise women in positions of power, and to ignore their achievements. How many times isn’t female politicians appearance given more attention than their actual work? Secondly, it puts women in a ‘passive’ position where they loose power over themselves. It creates certain rules and expectations of women in the workplace, and they become dependant as the power lies in the ‘eye’ of the beholder.

The ‘Pretty’ Trap and How to Avoid it

I have two young teenage sisters. It is amazing to watch them grow up and become strong and clever individuals. It also makes me feel old and I can’t believe it was nine years since I was thirteen (and angry at everything!). I’m noticing more and more how they are becoming aware of the expectations on them, especially the ones relating to gender norms, which can be negative and limiting in many cases.

The other day, I was preparing a presentation on the gender gap in science subjects and primary schools. I had a good brainstorming session with a really clever woman on everyday things we can do to encourage our sisters and brothers to become individuals with their own interests, strengths and qualities. We came up with so many different ideas, but I think these three are very simple and a good start:

Avoid gender-biased language

I have noticed that adults often used gender-biased language when talking to children. For instance, highly technical terms with boys, and emotional expressions around girls. This can lead to girls finding it difficult to take an interest in science subjects for instance, because they haven’t got words to express themselves properly. I know how to replace most parts of a computer, but I wouldn’t be able to explain how to do it because no one has ever used computer terms with me. Boys can find it more difficult to express emotions or feelings, because they haven’t been encouraged to do so.

Avoid the ‘pretty’ trap

The Swedish blogger Lady Dahmer has been writing a lot about the ‘pretty trap’ recently. Basically, we constantly reward girls for being ‘pretty’ and ‘adorable´. This can lead to a higher self-consciousness and self-esteem based on external affirmation/compliments. Obviously, one comment alone won’t cause this. But when we are constantly judged or valued for our appearance, from a very young age, it will affect how we view and value ourselves. Compliment your sister or brother for other things instead, such as being nice to others, helpful or standing up for something.

More rolemodels!

A problem with many fictional characters in movies, TV-series and books is that they often are one-dimensional and stereotyped. Introduce your sister or brother to more diverse role models and characters so they have more attributes and interests to choose from. Some good examples are Hayao Miyazaki’s movies (Spirited Away, My Neighbour Totoro), Astrid Lindgren movies (Ronia the Robber’s Daughter, Pippi Longstocking, the Brothers Lionheart), Mulan and Brave to name a few.

Bloglovin

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Mandatory Introduction!

Hello

I am a Swedish media and communications student living in the UK. This blog is meant to be a place where I can discuss and analyse all things related to communications (Surprise! Bet you didn’t see that one coming!). I will also write about feminism/gender issues, as it’s been the focus of my studies for two years now. Well, I just write all my essays about feminism, and my teachers sigh and accept it because there’s no way I’ll write about anything else. Theorising feminist issues gives me tools and a language to explain my experiences. Besides lecturing everyone around me about all things feminist, I like travelling, airplanes, skyscrapers, vegetarian food, salty liquorice, glitter, unicorns and adorable animal GIFs.

Peace, love and equality <3